howmanybeards

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049: Astronautalis

This is a guest post from the inimitably impassioned Meghan. She’ll be bring us regular updates on the music-world with a Left Coast take from her current home in Portland. To get your fill of music nonsense and passionate rants about New Girl, follow her on Twitter. Meghan is now the 1 of the 2 better halves of Secret Rad Media!

An impromptu, short introduction to Astronautalis.

Portland, Oregon – Wonder Ballroom

WHY and Astronautalis 012

I’ve got a new Wednesday recommendation for you all. To begin, when I try to explain an artist to someone as an introduction I usually use the “If so & so and so & so had a baby” analogy. That has always worked perfectly until this past Sunday night when I found myself in front of clean-cut and handsomely charming Andy Bothwell, aka – Astronautalis.

Opening for WHY? which I was set to attend that evening, I decided to throw some of his tunes on before the show, just to get acquainted. Now let me throw some names at you. First I heard the rising addictive hip-hop beats and vox of recent phenom, Macklemore. Perfect, I thought. Then I heard the grungy southern twang ala Lucero with the added smoothness of a one Caleb Followill. “This guy is all over the place;” I stumbled forward in confusion. More deep beats. Okay, he IS hip-hop. Now synth. Now he is Isaac Brock. Then, wait, did someone put on Billy Joel? What is happening?! And then my brain imploded.

When I came to, I found myself at the front of the stage of Portland’s Wonder Ballroom. Looking up at Astronautalis he explained how he used to be a ‘little British girl,’ later to amend “that was a lie, I was never a little British girl. Everything from here on out will be the truth.” The center crowd, slow to feel him out, finally broke into an all out dance party as he belted through what appeared to be his biggest hit – “Contrails” (which recorded, features Tegan Quin).

Astronautalis ft. Tegan Quin – Contrails

As sweaty bodies and exhausted breath overwhelmed the crowd, Andy asked us to name some topics for the backbone of his traditional freestyle session. Bukowski, drinking tea, being 21, The Walking Dead, redheads, an unavoidable sneak-in of C.S. Lewis, three or so more and he was off. I looked around the crowd as he spit out a slew of words, band building beats behind him, as if this was a poem years in the making. The closing of his set produced gaping jaws on faces of the crowd, as the percentage of bodies who had never heard of Astronautalis inevitably accepted they would be leaving their brains behind at Wonder ballroom this night.

An Astronautalis Freestyle

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048: Randy’s Monday Morning Obsession #6 – Doodle Deities

This is one of a series of regular posts from my dear friend Randy. Check back every Monday for a fresh look at what has taken over Randy’s litter box of a brain that week. For more timely ramblings from him head straight to the source, @RMChase3.

What’s up Beetles fans Elvis Fans and non-whites! Randy here with a multi-tiered obsession for you but this time with a few added bonuses! This one comes to you in the form of Doodle God and its many sequels like Doodle Devil.  The concept is a simple one you are a God or Devil and you have elements that you combine with other elements to make new elements.  Not following? Did I use the word elements too many times? Here then are some example coming right atcha. In Doodle God you take Fire and Earth combine them and you get lava, in Doodle Devil you give Humans the Apple and it creates Sin and Knowledge. Please note don’t try this at home now matter how much you set earth ablaze it’s not gonna make lava. Each game has about 170 different elements you can make and it saves your progress for when you can’t think anymore.  Downside to the game is that you have to follow some demented game makers cracked out logic. (Apparently fire and water makes alcohol.) Also pending which version you play you can earn coins to pay for hints or if you just wait five minutes then you can trade hints for precious time. Another great reason to go pick up the game is because you can play it now. Right now. What are you reading this on your android device your iPhone or a computer? Doesn’t matter you can still play it Doodle games are available on all platforms! So unlike all of those other obsessions I’ve brought you no waiting or signing up or trials. None of that you can be on the couch, car, or toilet and play Doodle games today. I know this post is a bit short but that’s because I’m typing with one hand and playing doodle devil with the other. I don’t know why you’re still reading this go play!

And when you’re done go find something to obsess over.

R&y

046: Tuesday’s Breakdown for 02.26.13

Are you sad? Unhappy with the way your day is going? Depressed about the Sequester? WELL THEN YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE! We proudly present, How Many Beards Tuesday Breakdown: Turn The Frown Upside Down Edition.

READ: My Favorite Game, Man Or Woman?

In what’s becoming a tradition, we bring you another lovely story from Florida. And this time it involves my 3 favorite things, Four Loko, synthetic drugs, and CVS! Also, look at the mug shot and tell me you didn’t pause for a moment to consider that person’s gender.

LOOK: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Really there’s not much I can say about this. In fact, I’m just going to post it right here. OMG. HAHAHAHAHAHA. It just keeps getting better. I can’t stop. Credit to Joe for this one.

red panda best

 

WATCH: Further Evidence That Taylor Swift Is A Bad Girlfriend.

In case you haven’t already seen this. Or just need to watch it again. Taylor Swift/Screaming Goat Remix.

042: Randy’s Monday Morning Obsession #5 – Cinemode App

This is one of a series of regular posts from my dear friend Randy. Check back every Monday for a fresh look at what has taken over Randy’s litter box of a brain that week. For more timely ramblings from him head straight to the source, @RMChase3.

Yo yo yo Randy here, taking a brief rest from whacking rats with a nail spiked bat to bring you today’s obsession.  Have you heard about this texting thing? Of course you have quit being a jerk.   All of the kids are doing it, so are my parents, old people have somehow figured out how to do it, and every once in a while I’ve been known to do it.  It would seem however, as much as we first world people love our txt msgs businesses do not. One such business is the movie business.  For what feels like decades they have been telling us not to interrupt their movies with our phone calls.  So we all collectively followed their advice and took up to text messaging to never interrupt movies. So then the theaters were all “hey quit talking AND texting during our major motion pictures.” And I was all “ Dammit movies why do you keep taking away from me!? First talking, now you take my texts messages what’s next? You gonna take my phones? I THOUGHT I LIVED IN AMERICA NOT COMMUNIST RUSSIA!!”

cinemark logo

I get it. Using the phone backlights the screen piercing the artificial night made by the theater  Also some fools don’t turn off the ringer and hearing the first 14 seconds of “All the things she said” by TATU while I’m watching the Bratz movie is a mood killer. Unfortunately not everyone has the balls to kick obnoxious cellphone users out of their building like The Alamo Drafthouse.  The good folks over at Cinemark realized this and came up with a great solution: The Cinemode App. Unlike most no text apps like the Drive Safely App that entirely prohibits you Cinemark still allows you the option. You download the app and when you go to a movie during the preshow entertainment the screen will tell you to activate “movie mode” (my term not theirs.) Once activated it dims your phones screen.   It also rewards you for not texting or using your phone for the duration of the movie with reduced ticket and concession prices. Now for sad news it’s only for Cinemark theatres which means not everyone can be part of this revolution of not being an inconsiderate jerk. Which currently means even I dear reader have to take a trip to get in on this. So download this, then download moviepass, and then you’re going to have like, the best movie experience ever.  But I’ve got to go smash me some more rats. I hope you enjoyed or if not GFY. Until next time

Go out. Go obsess

Randy.

041: This Is How You Lose Her

This Is How You Lose Her 4/5

It seems that in the modern world successful storytelling has to come as part of a planned, or at least the intention, or a three or more part series. While this may not be true of quote unquote literature, it has become relatively standard fare for sci-fi, fantasy, romance, and of course the ubiquitous teen fiction. All of this seems to be slowly eradicating the world of stories that simply happen to fall into the same universe a la Tom Clancy’s novels or Terry Pratchet’s Discworld series. Now it seems everything has to be Part One, Part Two, Part Three etc, demanding dogmatic adherence to progressing a singular story line with a static main character and a relatively constant supporting cast. Don’t take this to mean that all serialized fiction is terrible (it’s not), and it has done great things especially in the realm of increasing readership amongst young people. So maybe all of this is why I liked Junot Diaz’s newest book so much.

this is how you lose her

 

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039: Tuesday’s Breakdown for 02.12.13

Oh happy day, they finally found the missing link! A hermaphroditic sea slug with a detachable, regenerating penis! Also, it’s Tuesday.

sea-slug

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038: Randy’s Monday Morning Obsession #4 – Moviepass

This is one of a series of regular posts from my dear friend Randy. Check back every Monday for a fresh look at what has taken over Randy’s litter box of a brain that week. For more timely ramblings from him head straight to the source, @RMChase3.

Hey there ladies and gentlemen! (But mostly ladies *wink*) Randy here with his new obsession in the form of a service called MoviePass. MoviePass is a service that when I first heard about I just about flipped a pool over. You pay a monthly fee and watch one movie a day. Now dear reader I’m sorry that I just made you knock over your computer in a fit of awesome.  For those of you that didn’t,  let me say that again YOU PAY A FLAT FEE TO WATCH UP TO 31 MOVIES A MONTH.  Haters attempting to hate might tell you so what I can do that with Netflix, slap them in their cocksure face.  When I talk about MoviePass I’m talking about in-the-theater-right-damn-now movies.

moviepass-logo

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037: Friday Jams | Fang Island – Daisy

One of my all time favorite ‘have a good time’ songs.  I recommend listening to this at least an 8 or higher.

036: Frightened Rabbits – Pedestrian Verse

 

This is a guest post from the inimitably impassionate Meghan. She’ll be bring us regular updates on the music-world with a Left Coast take from her current home in Portland. To get your fill of music nonsense and passionate rants about New Girl, follow her on Twitter.

I thought it only appropriate to write my first HowManyBeards music blurb about a band that I have been friend-losing-ly obsessed with for the past three months. And this is no exaggeration. One of my friends actually installed an app on Google Chrome that automatically blocks any of my posts with the words “Frightened Rabbit,” “Frightened Rabbits,” “Frabbit,” or “Frabbits” from his news feed, and replaces them with photos of cats.

pedestrianverse325

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035: Tuesday Breakdown for 02.05.13

Read a book, read a book, read a book mother fucker. Welcome to Tuesday.

book breakdown

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