howmanybeards

Category: Nonsense

080: A Change In Focus

So, I know you have all really come to love and adore the content I post here on How Many Beards. But this post is to serve as a bit of a forewarning that you may notice a slight shift in focus coming soon.

complete beer course

In TOTALLY unrelated news, I am finding myself getting back into brewing and as part of that I am diving into beer styles. The internet has almost unanimously pointed me towards The Complete Beer Course by Joshua M. Bernstein. It’s a hefty tome that is equal parts coffee table book and actual fountain of knowledge. The book is truly designed to walk you through learning the different beer styles, and it’s something I am fully committing to. As a result of all this you should start to see more regular posting here. The downside is you probably won’t really care about most of it, and some of it may be unintelligible if I forget about the second half of Hemingway’s maxim: Write Drunk, Edit Sober.

What I am really here to ask is if anyone is interested in joining me on this voyage. It won’t be a short one. There are 10 Classes, and the first class has 34 beers (2 from each style) to try. So let me know! Don’t make me be the guy drinking all these beers alone! I’ll do it though. I’ll drink them alone. At night. In the dark. While everyone is sleeping.

 

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064: ECHOES 080713

Because honestly, we all need a few extra reasons to drink more whiskey.

061: ECHOES 073113

If you’re not caught up on Breaking Bad don’t watch this. Otherwise: hilarious.

  • I’m from the Gunshine State (Florida) home of the weird and land of the 365 BBQ, but this man takes the cake.
  • And if you’re going to be doing some extreme grilling, why not put a personal touch on it with a customizable brand?
  • Finally, if you’re going to all that trouble you might as well invite a few friends over. Make sure you do it right.
  • Tired of BBQ talk? Need something more serious for your world weary head? Check out this (kinda) longread from Gear Patrol about the 10,000 Year Clock.

 

048: Randy’s Monday Morning Obsession #6 – Doodle Deities

This is one of a series of regular posts from my dear friend Randy. Check back every Monday for a fresh look at what has taken over Randy’s litter box of a brain that week. For more timely ramblings from him head straight to the source, @RMChase3.

What’s up Beetles fans Elvis Fans and non-whites! Randy here with a multi-tiered obsession for you but this time with a few added bonuses! This one comes to you in the form of Doodle God and its many sequels like Doodle Devil.  The concept is a simple one you are a God or Devil and you have elements that you combine with other elements to make new elements.  Not following? Did I use the word elements too many times? Here then are some example coming right atcha. In Doodle God you take Fire and Earth combine them and you get lava, in Doodle Devil you give Humans the Apple and it creates Sin and Knowledge. Please note don’t try this at home now matter how much you set earth ablaze it’s not gonna make lava. Each game has about 170 different elements you can make and it saves your progress for when you can’t think anymore.  Downside to the game is that you have to follow some demented game makers cracked out logic. (Apparently fire and water makes alcohol.) Also pending which version you play you can earn coins to pay for hints or if you just wait five minutes then you can trade hints for precious time. Another great reason to go pick up the game is because you can play it now. Right now. What are you reading this on your android device your iPhone or a computer? Doesn’t matter you can still play it Doodle games are available on all platforms! So unlike all of those other obsessions I’ve brought you no waiting or signing up or trials. None of that you can be on the couch, car, or toilet and play Doodle games today. I know this post is a bit short but that’s because I’m typing with one hand and playing doodle devil with the other. I don’t know why you’re still reading this go play!

And when you’re done go find something to obsess over.

R&y

046: Tuesday’s Breakdown for 02.26.13

Are you sad? Unhappy with the way your day is going? Depressed about the Sequester? WELL THEN YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE! We proudly present, How Many Beards Tuesday Breakdown: Turn The Frown Upside Down Edition.

READ: My Favorite Game, Man Or Woman?

In what’s becoming a tradition, we bring you another lovely story from Florida. And this time it involves my 3 favorite things, Four Loko, synthetic drugs, and CVS! Also, look at the mug shot and tell me you didn’t pause for a moment to consider that person’s gender.

LOOK: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Really there’s not much I can say about this. In fact, I’m just going to post it right here. OMG. HAHAHAHAHAHA. It just keeps getting better. I can’t stop. Credit to Joe for this one.

red panda best

 

WATCH: Further Evidence That Taylor Swift Is A Bad Girlfriend.

In case you haven’t already seen this. Or just need to watch it again. Taylor Swift/Screaming Goat Remix.

043: Tuesday Breakdown for 02.19.13

Same Shit Different Tuesday.

WATCH: Having A Bad Day?

It can’t be worse than this guy. He body slammed a fairly large cactus while wearing only shorts, boxing gloves, and a head wrap. And my god this spines are huge.

LOOK: Something Nice For The Eyes.

Ok, so you just watched a man leap into a cactus. Now take it down a notch and look at something beautiful. Maybe these paintings by Jeremy Miranda will do the trick?

READ: Florida Man Arrested For Spanking A Horse.

Granted it was a police horse. Hooray for Gainesville!

READ: The Kraken Awakes.

An incredible in-depth read about the history and future of The Giant Squid. Mildly terrifying, heavily informative.

WATCH: Between Two Ferns, Oscar Edition.

Zach Galifianakis has blessed us with two new episodes of his groundbreaking interview series Between Two Ferns just in time for the Oscars. Presented in two parts, he gets Jennifer Lawrence, Jessica Chastain, Bradley Cooper, and Anne Hathaway just to name a few.

READ: Japanese Confirm Existence Of Flying Squid.

In more terrifying squid related news, a team of Japanese scientists have confirmed the existence of squid that fly up to 100 ft out of the water at speeds exceeding that of Usain Bolt’s fastest speed. So, flying carnivorous squid that you cannot outrun. Sweet dreams.

Until next time.

042: Randy’s Monday Morning Obsession #5 – Cinemode App

This is one of a series of regular posts from my dear friend Randy. Check back every Monday for a fresh look at what has taken over Randy’s litter box of a brain that week. For more timely ramblings from him head straight to the source, @RMChase3.

Yo yo yo Randy here, taking a brief rest from whacking rats with a nail spiked bat to bring you today’s obsession.  Have you heard about this texting thing? Of course you have quit being a jerk.   All of the kids are doing it, so are my parents, old people have somehow figured out how to do it, and every once in a while I’ve been known to do it.  It would seem however, as much as we first world people love our txt msgs businesses do not. One such business is the movie business.  For what feels like decades they have been telling us not to interrupt their movies with our phone calls.  So we all collectively followed their advice and took up to text messaging to never interrupt movies. So then the theaters were all “hey quit talking AND texting during our major motion pictures.” And I was all “ Dammit movies why do you keep taking away from me!? First talking, now you take my texts messages what’s next? You gonna take my phones? I THOUGHT I LIVED IN AMERICA NOT COMMUNIST RUSSIA!!”

cinemark logo

I get it. Using the phone backlights the screen piercing the artificial night made by the theater  Also some fools don’t turn off the ringer and hearing the first 14 seconds of “All the things she said” by TATU while I’m watching the Bratz movie is a mood killer. Unfortunately not everyone has the balls to kick obnoxious cellphone users out of their building like The Alamo Drafthouse.  The good folks over at Cinemark realized this and came up with a great solution: The Cinemode App. Unlike most no text apps like the Drive Safely App that entirely prohibits you Cinemark still allows you the option. You download the app and when you go to a movie during the preshow entertainment the screen will tell you to activate “movie mode” (my term not theirs.) Once activated it dims your phones screen.   It also rewards you for not texting or using your phone for the duration of the movie with reduced ticket and concession prices. Now for sad news it’s only for Cinemark theatres which means not everyone can be part of this revolution of not being an inconsiderate jerk. Which currently means even I dear reader have to take a trip to get in on this. So download this, then download moviepass, and then you’re going to have like, the best movie experience ever.  But I’ve got to go smash me some more rats. I hope you enjoyed or if not GFY. Until next time

Go out. Go obsess

Randy.

039: Tuesday’s Breakdown for 02.12.13

Oh happy day, they finally found the missing link! A hermaphroditic sea slug with a detachable, regenerating penis! Also, it’s Tuesday.

sea-slug

Read the rest of this entry »

033: Friday Jam | The Cranberries – Zombie

Just as good as always. Hope everyone enjoys their weekend.

031: Tuesday Breakdown for 01.29.13

God damn this Black Night, er Tuesday, and all its foul temptation.

wine breakdown

READ: Carnival Worker Invades Florida Home, Masturbates, Defecates, Eats Vacuum Garbage.

Really, the headline says it. The article is definitely worth a read, especially for the recap at the end.

PLAY: Rocket Island.

I discovered this clever little game on the Play store last night and have gotten quite a bit of enjoyment out of it. It’s a clever take on Swipe and Match games, but the games do not run on endlessly and the game is not wickedly addicting which is honestly a good thing. I find myself popping in for a quick game here and there, but still effortlessly being able to turn it off after a few rounds. Also, it’s free!

WATCH: Silver Linings Playbook.

Seriously kids, if you haven’t seen this get on it. It was great and deserves all the critical acclaim it has been receiving. It’s like a much better version of Garden State: two people having suffered serious emotional trauma find reconciliation and healing through a relationship with one another. Go see it.

DRINK: Root: 1 Carmenere

I recently picked this up after reading a glowing recommendation over on Bottoms Up Darling. If you’re looking for a great, affordable bottle of red I can’t recommend this higher than many other wines. I put it right up there with Gnarly Head’s Zinfandel. Check out the review and then head out, drop the $10 and try it out.