howmanybeards

Month: February, 2013

046: Tuesday’s Breakdown for 02.26.13

Are you sad? Unhappy with the way your day is going? Depressed about the Sequester? WELL THEN YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE! We proudly present, How Many Beards Tuesday Breakdown: Turn The Frown Upside Down Edition.

READ: My Favorite Game, Man Or Woman?

In what’s becoming a tradition, we bring you another lovely story from Florida. And this time it involves my 3 favorite things, Four Loko, synthetic drugs, and CVS! Also, look at the mug shot and tell me you didn’t pause for a moment to consider that person’s gender.

LOOK: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Really there’s not much I can say about this. In fact, I’m just going to post it right here. OMG. HAHAHAHAHAHA. It just keeps getting better. I can’t stop. Credit to Joe for this one.

red panda best

 

WATCH: Further Evidence That Taylor Swift Is A Bad Girlfriend.

In case you haven’t already seen this. Or just need to watch it again. Taylor Swift/Screaming Goat Remix.

045: Friday Jam’s | TV On The Radio – Wolf Like Me

Was grazing my newly available Twitter archives and found this gem I forgot about. Have a killer weekend.

044: Robert DeLong

This is a guest post from the inimitably impassionate Meghan. She’ll be bring us regular updates on the music-world with a Left Coast take from her current home in Portland. To get your fill of music nonsense and passionate rants about New Girl, follow her on Twitter.

Rather than an album review this week – I wanted to give more of an artist heads up. As Sasquatch Music Festival here in the Pacific Northwest quickly approaches, the months between February and May are, for me, spent mostly researching the lineup from top to bottom. Each year that I’ve attended, I’ve looked back upon the lineup a half year later to realize most of my current favorite artists had been on the bill and I had nothing of a clue. This year, I am specifically determined to prevent that from happening.

robert delong

 

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043: Tuesday Breakdown for 02.19.13

Same Shit Different Tuesday.

WATCH: Having A Bad Day?

It can’t be worse than this guy. He body slammed a fairly large cactus while wearing only shorts, boxing gloves, and a head wrap. And my god this spines are huge.

LOOK: Something Nice For The Eyes.

Ok, so you just watched a man leap into a cactus. Now take it down a notch and look at something beautiful. Maybe these paintings by Jeremy Miranda will do the trick?

READ: Florida Man Arrested For Spanking A Horse.

Granted it was a police horse. Hooray for Gainesville!

READ: The Kraken Awakes.

An incredible in-depth read about the history and future of The Giant Squid. Mildly terrifying, heavily informative.

WATCH: Between Two Ferns, Oscar Edition.

Zach Galifianakis has blessed us with two new episodes of his groundbreaking interview series Between Two Ferns just in time for the Oscars. Presented in two parts, he gets Jennifer Lawrence, Jessica Chastain, Bradley Cooper, and Anne Hathaway just to name a few.

READ: Japanese Confirm Existence Of Flying Squid.

In more terrifying squid related news, a team of Japanese scientists have confirmed the existence of squid that fly up to 100 ft out of the water at speeds exceeding that of Usain Bolt’s fastest speed. So, flying carnivorous squid that you cannot outrun. Sweet dreams.

Until next time.

042: Randy’s Monday Morning Obsession #5 – Cinemode App

This is one of a series of regular posts from my dear friend Randy. Check back every Monday for a fresh look at what has taken over Randy’s litter box of a brain that week. For more timely ramblings from him head straight to the source, @RMChase3.

Yo yo yo Randy here, taking a brief rest from whacking rats with a nail spiked bat to bring you today’s obsession.  Have you heard about this texting thing? Of course you have quit being a jerk.   All of the kids are doing it, so are my parents, old people have somehow figured out how to do it, and every once in a while I’ve been known to do it.  It would seem however, as much as we first world people love our txt msgs businesses do not. One such business is the movie business.  For what feels like decades they have been telling us not to interrupt their movies with our phone calls.  So we all collectively followed their advice and took up to text messaging to never interrupt movies. So then the theaters were all “hey quit talking AND texting during our major motion pictures.” And I was all “ Dammit movies why do you keep taking away from me!? First talking, now you take my texts messages what’s next? You gonna take my phones? I THOUGHT I LIVED IN AMERICA NOT COMMUNIST RUSSIA!!”

cinemark logo

I get it. Using the phone backlights the screen piercing the artificial night made by the theater  Also some fools don’t turn off the ringer and hearing the first 14 seconds of “All the things she said” by TATU while I’m watching the Bratz movie is a mood killer. Unfortunately not everyone has the balls to kick obnoxious cellphone users out of their building like The Alamo Drafthouse.  The good folks over at Cinemark realized this and came up with a great solution: The Cinemode App. Unlike most no text apps like the Drive Safely App that entirely prohibits you Cinemark still allows you the option. You download the app and when you go to a movie during the preshow entertainment the screen will tell you to activate “movie mode” (my term not theirs.) Once activated it dims your phones screen.   It also rewards you for not texting or using your phone for the duration of the movie with reduced ticket and concession prices. Now for sad news it’s only for Cinemark theatres which means not everyone can be part of this revolution of not being an inconsiderate jerk. Which currently means even I dear reader have to take a trip to get in on this. So download this, then download moviepass, and then you’re going to have like, the best movie experience ever.  But I’ve got to go smash me some more rats. I hope you enjoyed or if not GFY. Until next time

Go out. Go obsess

Randy.

041: This Is How You Lose Her

This Is How You Lose Her 4/5

It seems that in the modern world successful storytelling has to come as part of a planned, or at least the intention, or a three or more part series. While this may not be true of quote unquote literature, it has become relatively standard fare for sci-fi, fantasy, romance, and of course the ubiquitous teen fiction. All of this seems to be slowly eradicating the world of stories that simply happen to fall into the same universe a la Tom Clancy’s novels or Terry Pratchet’s Discworld series. Now it seems everything has to be Part One, Part Two, Part Three etc, demanding dogmatic adherence to progressing a singular story line with a static main character and a relatively constant supporting cast. Don’t take this to mean that all serialized fiction is terrible (it’s not), and it has done great things especially in the realm of increasing readership amongst young people. So maybe all of this is why I liked Junot Diaz’s newest book so much.

this is how you lose her

 

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040: Friday Jams | T-Pain – Take Your Shirt Off

In honor of the fact that I’m going to a very fancy party for work tomorrow night, I thought I’d share one of my favorite party songs. Also, this is for all my Tallahassee people. And my Korea people.

039: Tuesday’s Breakdown for 02.12.13

Oh happy day, they finally found the missing link! A hermaphroditic sea slug with a detachable, regenerating penis! Also, it’s Tuesday.

sea-slug

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038: Randy’s Monday Morning Obsession #4 – Moviepass

This is one of a series of regular posts from my dear friend Randy. Check back every Monday for a fresh look at what has taken over Randy’s litter box of a brain that week. For more timely ramblings from him head straight to the source, @RMChase3.

Hey there ladies and gentlemen! (But mostly ladies *wink*) Randy here with his new obsession in the form of a service called MoviePass. MoviePass is a service that when I first heard about I just about flipped a pool over. You pay a monthly fee and watch one movie a day. Now dear reader I’m sorry that I just made you knock over your computer in a fit of awesome.  For those of you that didn’t,  let me say that again YOU PAY A FLAT FEE TO WATCH UP TO 31 MOVIES A MONTH.  Haters attempting to hate might tell you so what I can do that with Netflix, slap them in their cocksure face.  When I talk about MoviePass I’m talking about in-the-theater-right-damn-now movies.

moviepass-logo

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037: Friday Jams | Fang Island – Daisy

One of my all time favorite ‘have a good time’ songs.  I recommend listening to this at least an 8 or higher.