007: A Bacon PSA

by howmanybeards

Bacon 5/5

Have a seat, kids. We need to talk about something. And that something is bacon.

I love bacon.

I do. I eat it almost every chance I get. Bacon for breakfast. Bacon on a cheeseburger. Hell, sometimes I’ll even order a club sandwich just for the bacon. [Sidenote: I will never eat a BLT, no matter how much bacon you put on it.] I’ve had a bacon donut, a waffle with bacon pieces in the batter, and my friends and I even tried to make bacon infused vodka once in college (Go Noles.) It is delicious. I actually just bought 3 lbs worth at the wholesale store. So, don’t ever let anyone tell you I am a bacon hater.

Here comes the but.

I love bacon as a food. And maybe even a little bit as an image, particularly the classic little squiggly bacon image from my childhood. But that’s pretty much where I draw the line. Bacon is not duct tape. Things got a little crazy over the last couple years, people wanted to put bacon on everything. I’ve tried to remain cool about it hoping it would naturally peter out over time. Until today. While I’m hoping this is the zenith of the empire that is non-food related bacon items, I’m worried that is only the foundation of a much larger ordeal.

But remember kids, the Bacon Shortage is a real thing so be afraid. And now, watch this and don’t be afraid.